CALGARY — With the province's teachers on strike, Danielle Smith’s UCP government has tabled new legislation banning the use of the number 58,008, in order to “protect Alberta’s most precious resource, our children.”

With the province’s teachers on strike, Danielle Smith’s UCP government has tabled new legislation banning the use of the number 58,008, in order to “protect Alberta’s most precious resource, our children.”

According to sources among Albertan junior high schoolers, the number spells a slang term for breasts when viewed on an upside-down calculator.

Supporters of the bill call the number ban long overdue. “Since the invention of the calculator, kids have had their minds in the gutter,” says concerned parent Kirstin Matthews of Drumheller. “Kids are in school to learn, not to look at pornographic numbers.” […]