If enough people don’t show their gratitude by clapping, the pilot will put the fucking thing into the side of a mountain

My car doesn’t have a name but my motorcycle has heaps. It gets a new one each time it won’t start

Normalise being terminally offline

Start?

Now, if heavily armed men show up at my door demanding these things, I can say “I’m afraid that’s unconstitutional my guy!” And they will go " Oh shit I’m sorry I totally spaced on 3A!" And they will leave my belongings and wife alone.

Shame you didn’t chop them at the same time you could have switched them and had a middle thumb

When the Australian Emergency department keeps me waiting for less than 15 minutes, I really start to worry.

Landscalpers

Every day is leg day 🦵

JFC Guyana already you guys alright?

Most of them have anxiety. The rest are just regular terrified.

So just normal then?

Upvoting this

The cat shelter probably doesn’t let you adopt anymore.

I can’t read this comment 👐

👉 The system is working exactly as intended and must be destroyed

I like to ask Linux people “Would you recommend Arch for a newbie?” Not because I have any intention of using Arch, but their answer to that question helps me judge the quality of their advice going forward.

Laptops like a bit of foreplay

Humanities

I remember my first description of communism from a teacher in 5th grade.

“The government can force you to work in any field they decide. If they need dentists, they might just force you go to dentists school for 4 years. If after that, they decide they need plumbers, they will send you to plumber school and you will be a plumber. You don’t get to choose. If you don’t like it, they will send you to Siberia, which is a bad place.”