I dunno, I’m attracted to personalities.

Buy me a jet! To fight communism

Fund my next island! To fight communism

Pay for my human trafficking! To fight communism

Cover up my crimes! To fight communism

Aw shit trumporrhea I didn’t even notice

Diarrhea cuz no peena?

Take only Fartographs. Leave only Donarrhea.

Good thing children follow directions and are so bad with technology. This plan is foolproof!

or a 1 hour soap after boiling

That’s what cilantro is for

I thought they were for o-rings to support combustion with intense compression

Yeah, obviously a nice oil finish would better bring out the natural qualities of your nails. Would you paint the Mona Lisa?

Texas History

Stallone, Kiss, and Gaynor! It’s a real “who’s who” of “who was!”

Squealing like a captured pig when your flag immediately outshines mine

Then I don’t know how to be any clearer! You take that thing that’s in your hand, and you-

If you say “sweep the forest” one more time-

The real victims were the billions of people paying for Ben’s free lunch

That’s way more likely. I’m not sure if I made it clear in my comment, but these weren’t my best thoughts. This was me kinda seeing how tightly I could wrap the foil around my brain, because the proposal itself is so blindingly stupid.

I met someone from the same region as that kid. Quick movie fact before continuing my story: the accent Tom Hanks used Forrest Gump is that kid’s natural accent. T.Hanks decided it was just too interesting to let go to waste.

The person from that same region was something like a sensitivity officer (I forget his actual title, this was ages ago). Essentially, an employee at the school where I worked tried to make a joke to some kids that was (unintentionally) so offensive that the parents of the students sued. Part of the SOP in a case like this is that the entire campus staff has to attend a sensitivity training. And the person training us talked like Forrest Gump. He was well aware that his region is pretty remote and most people don’t realize that this was a real accent, so he spent the first few minutes of his presentation explaining all this to us, and letting us acclimate to the situation. Two things I can say after that presentation:

1. I was really grateful for the presentation. The guy did a great job communicating that not everyone has your context, and they shouldn’t have to listen to you explaining your context. If you made them feel like a victim, forcing them to understand why they shouldn’t be offended wastes their time and makes them feel bad for being offended. Either hurt their feelings once and apologize, or accept that you were wrong; don’t hurt their feelings a second time for your own benefit. If you’re not an asshole about it, they might even ask for your context and then you’ll both walk away as winners.
2. Tom Hanks did an excellent job with that accent work.

Here’s my uneducated conspiracy-focused take on why the military would want mandatory HRT:

• This is not an attempt to make soldiers more battle-ready, it’s to make the population more aggressive
• the baseline for low-T in the military will either be raised, or final determinations will be based on arbitrary factors or performance-based. They want to push people’s hormones to the point that they’ll attack the women on base and need only the slightest nudge to attack anyone who pisses them off back home.
• While on the military HRT, increased libido and aggression will create pockets of men who will fuck anything, and increase the population for the next generation of disenfranchised workers
• The increased aggression and government propaganda would make soldiers more likely to vote for politicians who express hatred that aligns with their own
• Retired members of the military who can’t afford continued HRT and maintain testosterone levels elevated above recommended levels will likely become prematurely impotent. Considering that the people currently in charge learn all the facts from TV shows, they’d probably be banking on the ol’ “this man went on a killing spree because he was impotent, and murdering women who look like his mother was the only way to prove that he’s not impotent.”

My most pessimistic prediction is that they’re hoping the outcome of this to include increased rates of violence stateside, high levels of pregnant sexual assault victims, soldiers who want to stay in the military because they have so much more energy while enlisted, retired military-turned-cops who are more likely to shoot minorities, increased post-military ICE applicants for better-trained forces, voters who don’t know why they hate everyone who isn’t themselves and will irrationally vote for anyone who calls minorities “scum,” and fulfill their strange obsession with sexy/manly looking men cum gutters and all.

I also think that if they actually follow through with military-required HRT, pulmonary embolisms and prostate cancer would become the symptoms this generation’s Agent Orange.

Just regular polyfill

Yes, peanut butter

Thank you, but this is praise I do not deserve! I’ve tried my hand at teaching, but now I support the teachers and schools so that they can take care of the kids. I’ll help the kids where I can, but I’ve discovered that teachers are dangerously disturbed individuals. How else could they do what they do, put up with what they put up with, work so many hours, all for so little pay?

Teachers are some of the greatest people I know, but I treat all of them like unexploded ordinances. Like I tell all my coworkers, “When I’m superintendent, no campus administrator will make less than 6 figures, and new teacher pay will begin at $90K. I want teachers who fight for their opportunities, not for their meals.”