That’s why you get about twenty retirees and sit them in front of your tv. Then you tickle them with a feather duster when you want them to laugh, that way you have your own live studio audience. Just remember to press record on the camera you’re filming the tv with

I love France, it’s a beautiful country. Unfortunately it’s filled with Frenchmen.

We have no issue with the French. We do hate the Italians, they’re a bunch of pushy fascists.

I was there too. The guy alternated between vomiting and screaming: “Does anyone have a truck?!”

I was next to you in the passenger seat and said to the vomiting man: “I know a guy.” You shifted gears and continued straight for another mile or so.

From the rearview mirror I saw the guy being lifted into another truck. I repeated: “I know a guy.”

You took a left and said: “An ambulance is not a truck.”

That’s where you’re wrong on two accounts, first off the counter comes up to my waist so I’m not wearing any pants. Second, I put my wiener in the cup while I long pour the milkshake.

Next you’re going to tell me you don’t believe I shove every straw up my pee hole without anyone noticing but the secret is I always keep one in the chamber.

I’m a master of slight of hand.

She was so deprived of nutrients that her body ate the ink. /s

You never built a crt into your fireplace? It’s super effective. I stacked my vcr and dvd player on top into the chimney.

Just vocalise your internal monologue like you’re on dragon ball z and then start making sounds like you’re powering up your ki in your bladder and then blast the porcelain with a urine beam!

Don’t be weird, all bald men are part of a collective hive mind. There’s no need to ask permission, they all act together as one. They probably released this meme themselves

If we all agreed to this when google was handing out invite only keys to gmail, then maybe we could’ve made a difference

Congratulations. You’ve successfully failed the test.

No, we must solve this issue. You need to understand that nobody here understands the difference between fiction and reality.

You can learn to make that beep with your mouth and then beep when you sneeze or are in pain

No it’s a calling

Beans are leftists because they’re a cheap and efficient source of protein and nutrients. I love you guys

I prefer to call him Elmo Musk but Elon Muppet is pretty good too.

I’m too lazy to check if I’m on the list but I wouldn’t mind being on it. Anyway fascists can go suck a dick.

Cats paid for those services with their lives

If we all bought each other’s underwear, we could solve world hunger in a week.

I bought some other dude’s used underwear. You gotta pay it forward