There are basically two paths to romantic success:
Make yourself into a generally attractive person
Find a weirdo that likes you as you are
Path 1 requires way more personal work, but it’s easier to find someone because you’re compatible with more people. Path 2 requires way more effort searching for the perfect match, because they’re out there but a lot rarer and harder to find.
Personally, I say split the difference and take the middle path: work on yourself enough to find a mid-tier weirdo.
Path 2 requires way more effort searching for the perfect match, because they’re out there but a lot rarer and harder to find.
My god I’m so glad I met my husband back in the days when online dating hadn’t been completely enshittified. (Or so I’ve heard, haven’t used online dating sites in the last decade.) We met on okcupid in 2014. Their personality and interest quizzes were actually pretty good if you engaged with them honestly. My husband and I were a 99% match. And yeah…I found my weirdo. <3
Online dating used to be so good for weirdos like us! I wouldn’t dare making an account these days, it’s pointless with everything being centered about looks and a conversation starter that stands out from hundreds of others.
Path 1 is dangerous if you only manage to put on the mask of a more attractive person and hide your nerdyness.
Cause after 3 years you’ll be sick of masking and if your partner isn’t attracted to the real you, any long term relationship is doomed to fail.
My weirdo and I found each other and then started working on being more rounded people, I think we got really lucky we made it through the first few years and got to where we are now, 12 years on.
You can get really lucky on path 2 and find your weirdo quickly, especially if you’re already social in circles that cater to your brand of weirdo. It’s a roll of the dice, though.
Either works for either, really. I’ve masked my weirdness enough to have moderate luck in the short term on path 1, I’ve had luck scouring for real weirdos on path 2. Both take effort.
For a long term spouse, I still think the middle path is best. I wouldn’t have been happy long term with the normies on path 1, and the certified freaks on path 2 wouldn’t have been healthy long term either. You wanna hit that sweet spot where you roughly have your shit together, but you’re not dulling your shine much.
1 is for all relationships, romantic and not. Being a better (or even just more well-rounded) person supports all areas, since you can make more connections, and better maintain them in all situations. 2 can be a way to build a really strong connection, but one or two shared interests, and a good personality match does not a relationship make - especially as people and situations change.
To his credit, he was an interesting well-rounded person. That’s probably why he was able to make his Star Wars descriptions so engaging. It was like listening to Dan Carlin.
Wow, is that an option? Here I am just working on myself to become a more interesting, well-rounded person, like a dumbass.
There are basically two paths to romantic success:
Path 1 requires way more personal work, but it’s easier to find someone because you’re compatible with more people. Path 2 requires way more effort searching for the perfect match, because they’re out there but a lot rarer and harder to find.
Personally, I say split the difference and take the middle path: work on yourself enough to find a mid-tier weirdo.
My god I’m so glad I met my husband back in the days when online dating hadn’t been completely enshittified. (Or so I’ve heard, haven’t used online dating sites in the last decade.) We met on okcupid in 2014. Their personality and interest quizzes were actually pretty good if you engaged with them honestly. My husband and I were a 99% match. And yeah…I found my weirdo. <3
Online dating used to be so good for weirdos like us! I wouldn’t dare making an account these days, it’s pointless with everything being centered about looks and a conversation starter that stands out from hundreds of others.
Number two has worked for me, but it took 25 years.
Worth it though. We are freaks together. 😄
Path 1 is dangerous if you only manage to put on the mask of a more attractive person and hide your nerdyness.
Cause after 3 years you’ll be sick of masking and if your partner isn’t attracted to the real you, any long term relationship is doomed to fail.
My weirdo and I found each other and then started working on being more rounded people, I think we got really lucky we made it through the first few years and got to where we are now, 12 years on.
You can get really lucky on path 2 and find your weirdo quickly, especially if you’re already social in circles that cater to your brand of weirdo. It’s a roll of the dice, though.
1 is of you want to sleep/date around, 2 is if you want to find a husband/wife, no?
Either works for either, really. I’ve masked my weirdness enough to have moderate luck in the short term on path 1, I’ve had luck scouring for real weirdos on path 2. Both take effort.
For a long term spouse, I still think the middle path is best. I wouldn’t have been happy long term with the normies on path 1, and the certified freaks on path 2 wouldn’t have been healthy long term either. You wanna hit that sweet spot where you roughly have your shit together, but you’re not dulling your shine much.
1 is for all relationships, romantic and not. Being a better (or even just more well-rounded) person supports all areas, since you can make more connections, and better maintain them in all situations. 2 can be a way to build a really strong connection, but one or two shared interests, and a good personality match does not a relationship make - especially as people and situations change.
I’m the number two.
I met my partner on Tinder. We were just supposed to fuck a few times.
We got married 8 months later.
Lol, dumbass.
Lots of different people like lots of different things.
Everyone is someone’s kink.
some kinks are rarer and more easily fulfilled, leaving you with jack shit
To his credit, he was an interesting well-rounded person. That’s probably why he was able to make his Star Wars descriptions so engaging. It was like listening to Dan Carlin.