Certainly! So in my response to the next comment in the chain, I posted a link to another comment I made in this thread. They didn’t engage with me, so it’s a limited example. It was responding to someone who grew up with an apparently abusive cross dressing or trans individual. This person was sexually inappropriate and seemed to harass the commenter.

Here in lies… probably the key to the whole approach. Understanding. People’s most extreme takes are often forged from very formative experiences they’ve had. This is a big source of the rising levels of hatred we aim at each other. Both sides can’t seem to fathom why the other would act the way they do, because it’s at extreme odds with their own experience. But there’s often a pretty valid scar underneath it, even if their final take away is completely incorrect and toxic.

This is why bigots get so defensive when attacked. They know, in their mind, 110%, they have a valid trauma. But they can’t separate that from their shitty conclusion and the people correcting them can’t help because they don’t know about the trauma. They never will, because they’ve created an environment that’s not safe for the other side to share a deep trauma.

This commenter bared their heart upfront but that’s rare and even more so when you’re not anonymous online. Here are some more experiences from my perspective.

Acquaintances and strangers: This is probably the most straightforward to see yourself. The next time somebody says something you disagree with, say, “I have a different viewpoint, but tell me why you think that way … Ok so here’s why I think you’re off base…” Note how this conversation goes with this foundation

VS

The next time, after that, someone says something you disagree with, say, " FUCK YOU!! EAT SHIT AND DIE YOU TOXIC FUCK!!!" and note how that conversational foundation goes.

I’ve been on both sides of both of these interactions and it’s night and day the kind of conversation you end up having.

Family: I have a very conservative family, but the younger generation has several liberals. When I listen to family members talk politics, they treat it as a zero-sum game. They’re going to change the others opinion no matter what. This is where you can most obviously see the shift from a productive conversation into people shouting. There’s a point where people aren’t actually discussing anything anymore but saying more and more extreme things until they’re just calling each other terrible people.

However, when I talk to my family about politics, I ask them what they’re trying to achieve with their ideology. I asked for practical examples about how that will be achieved. I bring up issues that I think will occur in this application, compassionately. I share with them the ways in which I want to help make the world a better place. I point out the ways in which our views align. And why I think they eventually diverge. Occasionally they will rise into an emotional state where they begin to call me a terrible person, but I keep the olive branch extended, and patiently leave myself open for more productive conversation if and when they calm down.

Sometimes they don’t. But oftentimes they do. I know I at least have learned a lot about why my family members think the ways they do, which does a lot to assuage my own anger. That’s already a big benefit. They want people to be happy, healthy, safe, and prosperous, they’re just mixed up on how to achieve it.

But I also see a similar effect in them. They’re more likely to express their thoughts and opinions to me. Even when they know I’m not going to agree. They still think they’re right, of course, and that I’ll eventually see that. But by coming to me they’re effectively welcoming an alternative perspective into their thought process. And actually taking the time to understand it (to refute it) rather than just accepting the reactionary strawman version they hear on Fox News.

I don’t think I’ll ever see them vote for a liberal candidate in my life, but I know I’m helping them not slip further into extremity. I was almost floored when my mom condemned the absurdity of Trump recently. She followed up with some backwards shit about education, but still. Progress! I could tell she enjoyed sharing something that we could agree on.