thanks for asking i love telling this story

it was spring break of 1999 and i had just gotten a good deal on the rerelease of tom & jerry the movie so obviously i spent most of the day watching it several times and you know how sometimes you watch something and you really relate to a character and you just wanna embody them well thats how i felt about jerry so you already know what i did i went out and i got LOADS of cheese the good stuff too i was eating kraft singles all evening

after all that cheese and tom & jerry i was purely content so naturally i slept like a rock and dreamt good dreams and to this day can you believe it that was the best sleep ive had my whole life and sometimes i try to recreate it but its not the same and one thing that made it so special was i dreamt that my crush accidentally forgot to put on clothes how great is that

anyway that morning i asked my mom if we could call my brother so i could tell him about it and it turns out he died in his sleep that night of cardiac arrest

my big brother always gave me a gum called abc gum when i was little and it was a very cool texture that ive never seen another brand do but fortunately my brother is dead so i cant ask him where he got that gum

tell me youve never tried pizza soup without telling me youve never tried pizza soup

ill thank you enough so you wont need them anymore

thanks sergio

no thats not me this is me

well let me tell you something thats gonna blow your mind did you know that vasectomies and a plantbased diet cures adhd because heres the thing adhd is not a real disease its just a label they give you when you dont fit into their narrow little box of normal and the real cause of adhd is toxins and a lack of essential nutrients in our food

toxins are stored in the balls and when you get a vasectomy youre basically cutting off the flow of toxins into your system its like a reboot for your body and the more vasectomies you get the better

and then theres the whole foods which are just packed with nutrients and one of the most important ones is methamphetamine a natural compound that occurs in small amounts in whole foods like fruits and vegetables and its essential for brain function and focus

but when you eat processed foods theyre stripped of all these essential nutrients and can you believe it the government and big pharma are trying to cover this up they dont want you to know the truth

so dont believe the lies of the medical establishment they just want to keep you in the dark and make money off your suffering take control of your own health and try a couple vasectomies and a plantbased diet its the only way to truly be free but make sure you have several children first

edit lets take this outside https://lemmy.world/post/24386648

i help you stay grounded when speeds are high
though im not a bird i can still make you fly
im often found on the back not the front
what am i that gives your ride a cool stunt

this post is an advertisement for a stupid community so im not sure what you expect

thank you for your attention

youre probably the first person from your instance to click that link so the posts may not have federated to your instance yet but there are 5 posts so far

the mods said im only allowed to post this here if i dont be mean to people so this is me not being mean to you

tardypants

https://feddit.nl/comment/14728193

this made me so happy

not the kind i have

always to check for worms

at least half of it will be funny

i only generate worthless garbage for worthless garbage

oh man you think youre so smart dont you questioning the validity of a well crafted 5 paragraph shitpost let me tell you something buddy people are starving for real content not that watered down FAKE news crap theyre fed on a daily basis and if a 5 paragraph shitpost is what it takes to wake them up then so be it i mean can you believe it people are actually reading and engaging with my stuff and you’re over here complaining about the length of it what a joke you must be one of those sheep who cant even be bothered to read a whole paragraph without getting distracted by your phone or something newsflash pal people are hungry for the truth and if thats what it takes to get it to them then ill write a 10 paragraph shitpost and ill make sure its so good youll be begging for more and this was generated with a custom llama and not edited except for this last part because youre not worth my time

Umm, you just insulted the intelligence of the person you replied to.

please elaborate

The whole idea of hating on using ‘/s’ is stupid and useless

putting ‘/s’ at the end of a 5 paragraph shitpost is stupid