• 13 Posts
  • 387 Comments
Joined 11 months ago
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Cake day: March 8th, 2024

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  • As a lifelong fattie, I have been assured for decades that all I have to do is eat right and exercise but I’m just too lazy so I deserve what I get. Tiny invisible creatures can affect my health? Next thing you’ll be telling me is that having my outhouse next to the well is causing my family to get sick. We both know it’s demons. FFS.

    Please excuse me while I crawl back into my depression hole, partially mitigated by SSRIs, which somehow also induce GI issues for reasons completely unknown to science. Can’t wait for RFK’s camps, maybe I can finally get healthy there.



  • Similar, but not the same. The routine of it all produces a lot of internal friction. I do get lost in my thoughts, but it’s deep rumination. No dopamine, just anger and hopelessness. I will dissociate before a shower because I know what’s coming. Just standing there staring, knowing I need to physically move and not doing so. Then when the water’s off it’s more standing there not moving. More dreaded routine incoming. Then when I’m out and the post-shower stuff is taken care of, it’s sitting on the bed, staring at the floor or the wall or my phone. Sometimes it takes 3-4 hours start to finish.

    It doesn’t help that the shower is in disrepair and I can’t afford to fix it properly (too much spent on larger house problems that took precedence). But that won’t be a problem soon since I also can’t afford mortgage payments.

    I’m coming up on a year of group therapy multiple times a week to go along with individual therapy. I’ve learned a lot, both about myself and mental health in general, and it’s kept me sane-ish. But I won’t have to worry about that soon either as it’s only a matter of time before the orange shitgibbon’s goons take a torch to Medicaid.

    On the plus side, I managed to get a second denial from SSDI before the brownshirts get their crowbars into that too. I’m not disabled, they say. I’m just a simpleton that can perform simple tasks and follow simple instructions. A simpleton in the 97th percentile for IQ. Thanks, I guess.

    But yeah, the shower is basically a soggy Tardis.