Can’t catch a break

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Joined 9 months ago
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Cake day: October 12th, 2023

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  • I’m a lesbian and my partner is also partially disabled. She manages her conditions but as far as we know, it’s as good as it will get. (I have chronic issues too but I am typically mobile.)

    We like to game together. We watch movies together. She also games with her friends and I go out and do other more physically demanding activities with my own friends. We like to discover new food and talk about politics.

    We found that our sense of humor and morality aligns well and we enjoy each other’s company. That and the fact that she was independent drew me to her.

    Good luck out there.





  • The sound is bad enough but with properly constructed walls, it’s not a problem.

    I have other problems with shared walls. Your neighbors have cockroaches? Now you do too! Bedbugs? Yep those can come on in too. If you live in an apartment, then you bet the landlord will cheap out and not do as effective treatments. You think being clean and not keeping things in cardboard will stop them? Maybe temporarily but they’re just waiting to come back out from the walls where they weren’t treated. Joy!

    The other thing is that if your neighbor smokes cigarettes inside, then you get some bonus secondhand smoke. If you have bad reactions even with allergy medications and HEPA filters, well I guess it’s time for you to move or suffer. (You didn’t want to use your PTO on anything not sick days right?)

    Did your neighbors have a plumbing problem that they neglected? Congratulations on your new mold in your shared walls. (You wanted to call code enforcement on your landlord about this? Good luck, they won’t enforce it.)

    I’m sure there are real solutions to my above problems but my reality is that the only solution is to move when it’s too much to bear. (Haven’t lived in one place for more than 2 years because of it…)



  • I remember your old posts. You made the right call.

    It’s hard to tell how long you will be sad. For me, I was sad in the beginning because I missed the good times in the relationship and the things that I wished the relationship could have been. It faded the more I remembered the bad times and how much they weren’t worth any good times, and how my own vision of what I wanted the relationship to be would never come to fruition.

    You might logically know it, but you won’t truly know it after some time. Don’t beat yourself up over that.

    Right now, focus on yourself and your healing. It might take a week. It might take a month or even a few. But either way you can get through this, and when you do, you will be tougher and wiser. You got this!







  • The culture I grew up with valued this type of thing.

    Why did you miss work? A cold? If you’re not in the hospital and you’re not here, you are a slacker.

    It doesn’t help when you don’t have any more paid sick time and you need to keep paying the rent.

    It’s so infuriating that it feels like life is structured in such a way that it is difficult or impossible to recover from these types of things without exposing people to your own sickness.

    No excuses for people that are sick don’t stay home when they have the opportunity though.

    ETA: masking does definitely help though and I’m glad the culture doesn’t find it as unusual as before


  • Getting a BS in Computer Science was huge towards my success. I had to work while in college due to lack of funds. My job as a programmer paid very little before I got my degree. Even with years of experience, I had a hard time getting a dev job with an employer that paid better without my degree. With the degree, it was significantly easier.

    I’ve heard of stories of folks that “made it” in dev without a degree. I did not have the charisma or whatever other skill they had to do it…

    I will say I have quite a few student loans because my scholarships weren’t enough (I was an average student at best) and my family made a lot of money but didn’t help me so I didn’t get other aid I would have normally qualified for. For me, my very well paying job outweighs the student loan payment. My gamble paid off. (It was a fairly safe gamble, but one can never really know in the uncertainty of life.)

    However, even in the last few years school has gone up in price A LOT so that may change the calculations for future folks.


  • How fulfilled is your life without a romantic partner? Do you know what you want?

    The worst partners I had were the ones that had nothing going on. No goals, no hobbies, nothing. They expected me to be their world.

    The better relationships I had were with people that knew what they wanted from life. They didn’t need me to complete them, but I was definitely a welcome addition.

    I do not believe I am conventionally attractive, but there are people that like me. For every fella that only dates skinny blondes, there’s another that wouldn’t give them a second look. Additionally, if someone really likes you for you, you might just get more physically attractive to them even if you’re not their type. (It has happened to me!)

    As for money, yes some people will only look at you if you have a lot of money. At least they filter themselves out if you don’t have it. You don’t have to be perfect with money, but as long as you are reasonable enough with money, you should be fine.

    Some low self-esteem is workable, but if you are always ragging on yourself it gets grating. I was with this guy and he kept telling me how ugly he was. I would always reassure him. It was exhausting after a while. I think everyone needs validation every now and again, but constantly?! Ahhh!

    If you get this stuff down, at least then you will have better chances with women. (Or whatever gender you prefer.) If your only goal is to get a girlfriend, then that is not so great. If it’s only one of your goals or something you’re passively open to, then you are in a much better position. Relationship opportunities, romantic or not, seem to crop up when you’re doing something else you enjoy.