Like ā€œsparkly cisā€ (my own term?) or something like that? At first, I started using the pronouns he/him. Then, when I realized that I actually don’t identify as a man and that it didn’t feel right, I started switching to they/them, as I felt like neither a man nor a woman and didn’t feel strongly about gender either way.

Well, I’m fully aware that what’s in one’s pants is NOT equivalent to their gender, but the thing is: I don’t really want a penis. I don’t want both. I really want neither, maybe just a hole, but the vagina I have is fine to me because it’s not a penis.

I’m AFAB and identify with feminine terms and neutral terms, like the pronouns she/they. If I’m dating someone, I want to be referred to as ā€œpartnerā€ or ā€œgirlfriendā€ but not ā€œboyfriendā€. Not ā€œmanā€, ā€œdudeā€, or ā€œbroā€, though I also see those as gender-neutral, so I’m more okay with those than ā€œboyfriendā€.

ā€œHomieā€ or ā€œfriendā€ is my favorite, though. I don’t even mind just ā€œpersonā€, but I prefer homie or friend like I said.

I feel impostor syndrome or whatever though and it feels like I’m just a cis woman with extra steps or ā€œspicy/sparkly cisā€.

  • Maya@piefed.blahaj.zone
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    2 months ago

    You seem to not identify strongly with ā€œmanā€ or ā€œwomanā€ which seems pretty nonbinary to me imo. If you feel that nonbinary is a good description of your gender, use it. Your gender does not need to be earned or proven.

    • Evkob (they/them)@lemmy.ca
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      2 months ago

      Your gender does not need to be earned or proven.

      Girl, I wish I had read this 6-7 years ago. Your gender should serve you and make you feel better, not be a constant source of anguish.

  • MomoGajo@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    You might want to look into Agender. It is much of what I feel about my gender most of the time. I view the F on gender markers for my self to be a ā€œfuck it sureā€, rather than the definitive gender of my self.

  • Tattie@eldritch.cafe
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    2 months ago

    @SonofaBixcuit these doubts are common, a way that external transphobia ā€œgets into your headā€ 😣

    How do you feel about other people whose identities are nuanced and outside the male/female binary? Are you treating yourself with anything like the grace you would extend to a friend or stranger?

    Love and strength.

  • Animal Planet@lemmy.blahaj.zoneM
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    1 month ago

    Nobody is really anything except the matter and energy that make them up. Labels are tools humans use to try to categorize things and make meaning when there is none.

    Given that you aren’t particularly drawn to most gendered terms, specifically ones that aren’t gender-neutral enough, consider exploring the label ā€œagenderā€ for yourself. You could try it on and see what fits.

    Sometimes a more blanket term like ā€œqueerā€ feels better to people.

    A note that we can’t wrap our entire being into a single word; there’s too much of it to fit, and we’re bound to over-pour the container. It can be more helpful to consider them as tags or attributes, not containers.