Like āsparkly cisā (my own term?) or something like that? At first, I started using the pronouns he/him. Then, when I realized that I actually donāt identify as a man and that it didnāt feel right, I started switching to they/them, as I felt like neither a man nor a woman and didnāt feel strongly about gender either way.
Well, Iām fully aware that whatās in oneās pants is NOT equivalent to their gender, but the thing is: I donāt really want a penis. I donāt want both. I really want neither, maybe just a hole, but the vagina I have is fine to me because itās not a penis.
Iām AFAB and identify with feminine terms and neutral terms, like the pronouns she/they. If Iām dating someone, I want to be referred to as āpartnerā or āgirlfriendā but not āboyfriendā. Not āmanā, ādudeā, or ābroā, though I also see those as gender-neutral, so Iām more okay with those than āboyfriendā.
āHomieā or āfriendā is my favorite, though. I donāt even mind just āpersonā, but I prefer homie or friend like I said.
I feel impostor syndrome or whatever though and it feels like Iām just a cis woman with extra steps or āspicy/sparkly cisā.
You seem to not identify strongly with āmanā or āwomanā which seems pretty nonbinary to me imo. If you feel that nonbinary is a good description of your gender, use it. Your gender does not need to be earned or proven.
Girl, I wish I had read this 6-7 years ago. Your gender should serve you and make you feel better, not be a constant source of anguish.