SOURCE - https://brightwanderer.tumblr.com/post/681806049845608448
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I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned âforeverâ into the only acceptable definition of success.
Like⊠if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, itâs a âfailedâ business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you donât actually want to keep doing that, youâre a âfailedâ writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, itâs a âfailedâ marriage.
The only acceptable âwin conditionâ is âyou keep doing that thing foreverâ. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a ârealâ friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a âphaseâ - or, alternatively, a âpityâ that you donât do that thing any more. A fandom is âdyingâ because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.
| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And itâs okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success⊠I donât think thatâs doing us any good at all.
Isnât this more about things falling apart when the person wanted to continue doing it? If I want to run a shop but it doesnât work financially, then my plan has failed.
Yeah, I think youâre right here: itâs all about intent. If someone starts a business, it does well, but then they end it because they want to do something else, is not a failure. If they wanted the business to keep going, but people werenât buying enough of their product to keep the doors open, thatâs a failure.
You could do the same with any of the examples. Itâs not a failure if the people are happy to stop or it lasted as long as could reasonably be expected, but if it ends before the people wanted it to, thatâs a failure. The rocket that lifts its payload to orbit, then shuts off and falls back to earth is a success. But no one says âWell, the rocket ran great halfway to the planned orbit, so even though it and the payload fell back to earth, it was successful.â
Yeah, the OOP is a serious cope. They are basically saying ânothing is ever a failure in the world of unicorn sprinkles, weeeeee!â They are invalidating peopleâs negative emotions about failure by trying to reframe it - but this is the behavior of narcissists who never want to admit they have failed at anything.
Itâs okay to fail. It sucks. It hurts. It happens. Thatâs life. Accept it, learn from it, and move on.
Itâs a failure if itâs your experience and you think you failed. You donât get to say others failed if they feel otherwise about their own experience.
You have no idea what narcissism means even if youâre using it in the colloquial form with is almost meaningless at this point. A narcissist wouldnât put the question up for debate.
You pretending you get to decide how others should feel about anything is fucking ridiculous.
If someone says âI really wanted to keep my bakery open but the books didnât balanceâ itâs a failed business. If someone says âI had a goal to get a book published but I could never get it acceptedâ theyâre a failed writer.
Yes, they could have just gotten bored or stressed or retired or life happened, but thatâs not the same thing. When someone set out to do something with their best effort but couldnât, they failed.
Failing to do something isnât shameful and it doesnât devalue you. It doesnât even mean youâll never be able to do it (go start a new business, write another book, have a happy second marriage). Youâre only a failure if you let yourself be one, nobody can tell you to feel anything.
OOPs post isnât healthy because it validates the fear of failure with mental gymnastics. Sometimes you fail and you just gotta work through it, you canât put your all into something and shrug it off at the same time.
Yeah, most of his examples really donât work. As long as you make more money than you put in, any business is successful, and if you terminate it without going bankrupt or accruing debt, itâs not failed, itâs just closed. Same for a writer, you write a couple of books, they sell enough to cover the costs, then stop because you donât care anymore, nobodyâs gonna call you failed.
Yes, that. And also the point of marriage is to be forever. Like thatâs the idea of it to begin with.
If they end up starting again the same business, then I guess it could be seen that way. But if they just decide to move on without feeling like it was wasted time and try new things, âhow long it lastedâ shouldnât be the only metric of whether it was a success
I feel like with the business example, you could sell it and move on. No matter what happens to the business afterwards, you are fine.
That said Iâd agree it depends on the circumstances. Want to keep going but canât because <reason> = failed. Could keep going but decide not to, not failed.
Iâm not sure what youâre asking hereâŠ