Start with you. Become well-informed by doing your homework. Formulate a plan. Research cults and coercive control. Don’t make the mistake of trying to rationally argue. Learn about mind control techniques and which communication strategies are most effective. Don’t fly blindly. [EDIT: Removed author’s book shilling]
Build rapport and trust. Rebuild your relationship, if it’s broken. If you were the one to break contact, apologize. Reach out and be warm. Remember the good times. Focus on common values and areas you both enjoy (children, pets, music, dancing, fishing, sports). At first, don’t talk about controversial topics. Avoid “hot topics.” Just try to connect with the other person and have positive interactions. Build credibility and sustain positive interaction. Build a long-term relationship based upon respect, compassion, and love.
Do what you can to remove or minimize media that continually indoctrinates to only one point of view. This may only apply to certain types of cult groups. But it may be in the form of social media, videos, or television. You can even agree to make a pact to go on a media fast together. Don’t make this about “them” or “their problem.” Make this a fun thing to do together as a “break.” Be prepared to honor requests on your end.
Ask thought-provoking questions while being warm and curious. Be prepared to listen deeply. You will know if you have listened well if you can repeat back to them what they said. Be humble and open to hearing what they say.
Keep conversations positive, productive, and civil. Never get angry. Stay resourceful. It is better to end the interaction than to say something counter-productive. It is better to return to the conversation at another time, rather than the person cutting off all communication out of anger or fear.
Adopt a general tone of curiosity and interest in their positions. Pretend you’re an impartial counselor. Really try to get inside their beliefs.
Try to connect them with their authentic identity before these extreme beliefs. Remind them of past experiences together. Talk about the connection you once had and how you miss it.
Don’t “tell” them anything. Help them to make discoveries on their own.
Try to get them to look at reality from many different perspectives. This can include many things.
Teach them about indoctrination and mind control. Use examples for which they have no attachment.
Use examples of cult leaders with similar qualities to their group’s leader(s) and have conversations about it.
Share feelings and perceptions, not judgments. Use “I feel” statements. Don’t claim to be “right.” Stick to what your perception is when reflecting back to them.
Ask a question and then wait for them to think and respond. Be patient. You do not need to fill silence.
Caution: an abundance of facts won’t necessarily help. Do not overwhelm them with information, especially if it attacks the leader or doctrine.
The two books recommended to be read are both written by the author of the article which is a bit shady.
I thought so when reading that passage, thanks for looking it up.
Wish this worked on Christians 😢
Remember that most Christians have been such their entire lives. This programming is deep, and more strongly cemented than their critical thinking skills.
I suggest backdooring in critical thinking skills. When helping do deprogram my ex-in-laws we did weekly brain teasers and logic puzzles before our dinners, and after we’d play investigative board games.
Eventually they left the baptist church, citing they’d been listening closer to what thwjr pastor was saying and it made them uncomfortable. They’re still Christian, but they go to a PCA Church now. Much less hateful congregation and clergymen (are they still clergy if they aren’t Catholic?).
Its all about baby-steps. You have to trust people to learn, but you may want to help supporting some of those learning skills.
(are they still clergy if they aren’t Catholic?)
Yep, it’s a catch-all term. You can also refer to an Imam or Rabbi as a member of that religion’s clergy.
Remember that most Christians have been such their entire lives. This programming is deep, and more strongly cemented than their critical thinking skills.
The same applies for Republicans. They have been Republicans all of their lives, watching Fox News since they day they were born.
Also, that kind of programming, religions, outright cults, Fox News, they all focus on discarding critical thinking skills as much as possible. Nowadays, they are targeting empathy, too.
I recommend Nietzsche, sword and fire. It’s all for their eternal souls after all.
Works on KKK members:
Man, don’t you just hate it when evangelicals need to make every fucking conversation about religion?
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Ask thought-provoking questions while being warm and curious. Be prepared to listen deeply. You will know if you have listened well if you can repeat back to them what they said. Be humble and open to hearing what they say.
Keep conversations positive, productive, and civil. Never get angry. Stay resourceful. It is better to end the interaction than to say something counter-productive.
I feel like almost all of this post is also just general good advice in general.
If its the guy I think it is he was pulled out of cult in the old fashioned deprogrammed way which messed him up further for some time and he went into psychology specifically studying cults and how the individual mind reacts. He sought to develop a healthy way to bring people out of cults so essentially yeah. Its basically saying put in extra effort because its like the person is in a cage. You would put extra effort to get someone out of imprisonment like that and you sorta gotta with the mental equivalent.
Coincidentally I saw this not long ago:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJU3AuF3AWs&t=6526s
There is quite a lot of backstory going back through all the extensive extensive video obviously, but basically this woman’s mom consulted with a lot of expert help and sorted out exactly how to strategically break her daughter out of the cult.
“She still believed in Jordan’s mythology, she still loved him and missed him, but she was realizing that the most stressful thing in her life was him, that she dreaded his letters and phone calls. Her month at home eventually passed and it was time for her to return to Virginia to be with Jordan. Don’t worry. It was all part of her mother’s plan, which Abby has since dubbed ‘operation catch and release.’”
I love these weird micro-cult stories, thank you for posting this!
What made it extra weird for me was the fact that I grew up among people obsessed with tolkien and larping, ocasionally being labeled as a cult by the general public, except they actually pulled off the fantasy/scifi convention part. And they are still going strong for more than a decade. It was a humbling experience for me as a young adult to see my peers exhibit such dedication, discipline and organization skills just for the sake of building something together.
Seeing how the same drive can backfire under different conditions was quite a ride!
edit: To whoever it may concern, this story had almost frighteningly simmilar vibes as the story about the Zizians:
https://omny.fm/shows/behind-the-bastards/part-one-the-zizians-how-harry-potter-fanfic-inspi
Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Carnegie. Most of what we need to know about human interaction can be found there. He set out to write a book on how to get along with people, visited universities, studied books he was told to study, didn’t find anything satisfying.
Weird book in that you can start on any given page, he wrote it that way on purpose. Not something you can read and just say, “OK, got it.” Takes practice and thought and more practice.
Haven’t had social interaction problems since I was a small child. Figured out how to get along and not get my ass literally beaten by my peers. And no, I don’t mean cowering. But still, every story in that book resonates with me. I’ve either been-there-done-that or seen it work. It should be taught in school at some point in our development.
Final note: People have often taking the title as, “How to Manipulate People”. Only if you’re a sociopath.
Oh. I thought this was a way to make your family understand that you’re not in a cult.
It’s an anticapitalist commune with a focus on sustainability. We use modified consensus and have no leaders. It’s not a cult!
Also, that’s carrort juice, not kool aid.
But don’t eat more than one of those brownies
I believe some cults grew out of communes
Yeah, I think the problem is that some people have no education on different styles of governenance. You can tell them it’s anarchist (not authoritarian), and they literally don’t understand you
Is MAGA an official cult? I’d say, “yes.”
if this is the guy I think it is. As that looks like the bite model. He 100% says maga is a cult.
Nice
This is nice. I would recommend not using the term deprogramming, though, as it’s very associated with Ted Patrick and the Cult Awareness Network’s horrific abuse under the guise of deprogramming. Seriously, the CAN actually got better after being purchased by Scientology. That’s the level they operated on.
Don’t let people’s association with a term ruin it. This causes the same issues as the euphemism treadmill.
I get that.
Societal infrastructure and programs for cult-deprogramming would be great. Does anywhere have a successful version of these?
unrelated, and i am blackout drunk so i’d never be able to answer for it, can someone make a george zinn, zinpost for me? can we all start zinposting? i love nicotine
Fuck that. Call them stupid as fuck and tell them to get a grip on reality. Obsessive dipshits are going to obsess … make sure they know that’s what they are doing.
If they are too stupid to snap out of it then write them off. I have had three red hat cultist relatives. One switched completely, one left politics, and one no longer really matters in my mind.
Wish this worked on hard lefties. Mind you they are very well conditioned to outright reject any questioning of their beliefs.
What do you define as a “hard lefty”?
Celebrating/justifying someone’s death while claiming to be the one with empathy.
Oh, you’re like that.
Boohoosorryyou had to see people’s free speech unabated by mods or censorship law.Don’t worrytheyre fixing that little hiccup soon, sodelicate flowers like yourself dont have to acknowledge the violence of the system that kills millions every year while your “empathy” is conveniently mia. Only fascists qualify for empathy I guess.I’m not complaining about seeing it. I’m simply saying that people who are celebrating violence as a mortally justified reaction to speech are perhaps a little extreme in their ideology in a cult like manner.
Wish this worked on hard fascists. Mind you they are very well conditioned to outright reject any questioning of their beliefs.
What do u define as fascist?
Have you tried having a modicum of empathy? It seems that’s a pretty important part of the method.
See outright refusal to a acknowledge the concept followed by an emotional justification.
