Try to eat things that will definitely kill him.

Two elderly rescue cats, Buttons and Bo.

She (Buttons) is a very needy lapdog of a cat who loves to be carried basically everywhere around the house. Insists on sleeping under blankets while on my bed, usually on her side with her head on a pillow. She also LOVES grooming me, especially my beard. She comes when called, though is mostly deaf. She’s freaked out when I take a bath, coming up to the edge and howling… probably remembering the time she jumped on the edge and very gracefully fell in.

Her brother is downright weird. He’s shaped like a pug (15 pounds, very broad chest, walks almost bow legged due to said breadth). He LOVES to be held like a fat, hairy toddler… ‘sitting’ on his hind legs with his back up against me. He also prefers being under blankets at night, but completely covered. He likes to be carried, but not as much, and due to his length it’s a bit challenging to make him comfortable while doing so.

Both always want attention, love having their bellies scratched and immediately warm up to strangers.

My dog has to smell my breath after I eat/drink something. If I’m eating a sandwich, he’ll watch the whole time, and when I’m done, he’ll hop up and start sniffing/licking for crumbs.

Then he’ll stand on my lap, and put his nose up to my face, sniffing and kinda wagging his tail. I’ll open my mouth wide, and start exhaling, and he’ll eagerly start sniffing riiiiiiiiiight up against my mouth, wagging and kinda shifting his weight on his front legs. And if you don’t listen closely enough to his sniffing…

… He’ll sneeze in your mouth. 😂 He makes my friends do it too, and I do warn them about keeping their mouth open too long.

Beyond that, the only other weird thing he does (besides his crazy yoga poses he does in blankets on the couch) is lick the floor. If I’m cooking, he’s standing by the stove, ready to lunge at anything that falls to the floor. But when I’m done cooking, he’ll basically walk the entire kitchen floor, focusing primarily by the sink and stove, licking every speck of oil and crumb he can find. You’d think I never feed him based on how he acts towards food, but here we are. 😂

He nabbed some chili seeds off the floor one night before I could get them, and I asked him how they tasted while he’s walking around the kitchen, licking his chops over and over. Moved to his water bowl, drank a good chunk of that, moved to the living room, laid down there for a bit… All the while, licking his chops, trying to get the spicy to go away. And then he came back for more 😂

One of our cats HATES when my wife isn’t wearing enough clothing. I can walk around fully nude no problems. My wife wears short shorts and he will get visibly upset and start attacking her until I come defend her. If she puts on pants he goes right back to normal. Doesn’t attack people and is generally pretty chill otherwise. Our cat has the political leanings of the Taliban apparently.

My cat plays fetch with bottle caps.

Our dog will only walk out of the kitchen backwards. We caught him the other day walking into the kitchen backwards, turning and out again - all backwards.
He is fine in any other room/situation.

My dog can’t walk around corners.

If she approaches straight on, she can walk right through an area, if she is tight to the wall, she can’t / won’t walk into the room. She stops and whines and will try two or three times to move past the corner.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My kitty is young and wants to play fight but won’t scratch or bite me. I think she’s afraid I’ll get mad? Like, girl, you can maul my shit and I will keep going

My dog stands next to a chair or the couch and rests her head on it while looking up at me with puppy dog eyes until I come pet her. She loves it when I scratch her throat and will lean onto it super hard to the point where she gags. If there’s anything at all laying on the floor - a blanket, a sock, kid’s toy, paper bag, whatever - she will lay directly on it. If she’s to big she’ll at least put her head on it. If I’m not paying attention to her she’ll sit right next to me and paw at my leg until I pet her. She follows me around the house like a shadow, especially if anybody is over or if she can tell I’m getting ready to go somewhere. I can’t play hide and seek with my kids because she always gives away my hiding spot.

My cat would respond when my wife or I sneezed. Anthropomorphically, it was similar to how we blessed him when he sneezed. We adopted another cat who does the same when one of us coughs.

I don’t have a pet right now, but when I grew up we had an amazing black cat with thick but short fur and tuffs of hair on her ears.

Anyway, she always wanted to drink water from the shower when she was thirsty, this despite having a full water bowl.

It would get to the point where she would come into your room and get your attention and lead you to the shower and look at it and then at you until you turned it on to wet the floor so she could drink.

She was absolutely crazy for my mom’s apple pie, it was the only time she ever jumped up on the living room table when we all sat around it, just to get a bite of apple pie, she knew very well that she wasn’t allowed to be on the table, yet the allure of the apple pie was too strong…

She was an amazing huntress, there were days when she came home with two fieldfares that she had killed, one time when she had been out all night (cats are legally allowed to free roam in Sweden) we opened the door and there was a tail from a squirrel laying on the porch, she was so effective that the birds posted lookouts for her and dive bombed her with birdshit.

She never made a fuzz when mom had to wash her after she had been shat on, to the point where she stayed in the bathtub and waited for my mom to get a towel to dry her off.

She hated being in your lap and would jump off at the first chance, but she always liked being where the rest of the family was, if we were watching a movie on the TV she would come down and lay on the rug in the living room with us.

Before we got her, I didn’t realize that cats could hiccup, I saw it once or twice, I heard a small hiccup sound and her entire body shook slightly and she looked increadibly confused when it happened.