I hate feeling pressured into stereotypes just to prove my gayness.
If this whole thing is about living genuinely why should I have to read books that define who I am to me? Why canāt I just be me the way I like to be?
Iāve always felt trapped, like Iām too straight for the gay kids but too gay for the straight kids.
The two main reasons it took me decades to come out were homophobic neighbors and feeling like I wasnāt gay enough because I wasnāt interested in all the stereotypical gay hobbies/interests.
Side note. I didnāt think you were pressuring me or being negative. Your line āread up on queer theoryā reminded me of some of the toxic interactions I had so I felt the need to vent.
Yeah it reeks of being told in the 2010s ācheck your privilegeā. While itās not entirely wrong, itās not entirely right, either, and is incredibly hostile. Everybodyās right.
I saw a video on TT the other day of a guy parodying Randy Newman with a made up song āhurt people hurt peopleā. It was surprisingly good, both funny and good, but surprisingly deep and true and wise and all that.
As I get older, I think Iām starting to decipher who to listen to, and I think it largely comes down to malice. Like, if the concept of tone policing were to be taken seriously, it would need to meet those with different views and experiences where theyāre at.
I, like you, grew up very closeted. While not exactly hostile to queer people, my guilt of unintentionally hurting people stays with me as a scar, as wisdom. I donāt think much in this world is totally concrete, but let me tell you and anybody who reads this: regardless of what you think logic implies or how logic dictates, emotions are real and are often separate and stand very much on their own (not always, but often). Coming at somebody who is simply ignorant who hurts you with malice isnāt okay. But also, as I get older, willful ignorance is starting to become an unforgivable sin. Maybe even one of the only few real ones.
With that knowledge of judgement, then, you and I and anybody else, who may have grown up our privileges and lifestyles very much do have a duty to at least intellectually investigate if somebody says we are hurting them. To do otherwise isā¦ quite exceptional, if realistically and unfortunately quite the opposite when it comes to most people.
That knowledge of morality and responsibility of ethics ethics is a code, though. Codes donāt always need to be followed, as willful negligence can sometimes be strategically good, like āputting your mask on, firstā. But, be wary of slipping into willful ignorance, as that is a very dangerous line to court.
Iām sorry for the toxic interactions youāve had. Iām absolutely not talking about stereotypes and appearances, and those that made you feel not gay enough are included in those needing to show up for their community.
Sorry I was in shit post mode instead of essay mode :3
Iām talking to the gays who eat at Chick-fil-A
Iām talking to the lesbian who told the bi girl to choose a side
Iām talking to the bi girl who calls herself a f*g hag while hitting on a trans girl
Iām talking to the trans people who fell into transmedicalism
And much more, but hopefully Iāve explained myself better.
Can one have a love/hate relationship with knowledge?
Like, I hate that I have to know all these things, but I love who I am in knowing things-in-general and these things youāve said, as I know they make the world a better place for us all.
As I approach 40 and the world changes more and more underneath our feet and before our very eyes, I find myself burdened with knowledge. Knowledge that hurts to have. Knowledge that Iām different, knowledge of how the world works, knowledge of human behavior, and the knowledge of my and all of our limitations. Knowledge that hurts to have.
Thatās really homophobic actually. Like Iām a bit of a freak, but I have friends through our shared queerness that absolutely arenāt. My friend who just wants a stable life to raise kids in a monogamous relationship with her wife in the suburbs still suffers from homophobia, she doesnāt judge me for being a poly leather weirdo, she just treats me as a cherished friend and fellow lesbian, and it would be wrong for me to treat her any differently.
Edit: saw your explanation and yeah, Iām leaving my message because it was a gut response that isnāt wrong to what I and others interpreted, but your explanation is absolutely correct and ironically this same friend is exactly what you mean people should be like. Her wife is bi and sheās never hesitated to stand up for us freakier queers
Hey, so, just because someone isnāt a musical theatre major with cotton candy colored hair doesnāt mean that theyāre not being authentic to their true selves. Let queer people be āboringā. Let me make this clear, Iām a lot closer to the person in the picture than what you think of as boring, I just hate the idea of forcing anyone to be a stereotype.
As a straight person, what are you trying to imply with the āread up on queer theory?ā
It sounds like youāre saying that if youāre gay you should also have some of the āneighboringā qualities in the posted image.
That feels weird? Like youāre pressuring someone whoās gay to also identify with other things that they may not identify with. If they donāt identify with those things they might feel broken, or unaccepted.
Is it that wrong to be someone who presents themselves as largely straight but isnāt?
The difference is that I expect more from my community members to not perpetuate bigotry from within the community, to learn our histories, to not uphold or enforce stereotypes on each other.
I donāt expect anything from you, because I donāt expect straight people to have experience with LGBT people with the majority of the noise being propaganda.
But I do request that when asking community members a question that we are listened to, and to remember that our experiences and existence are not an argument or debate.
Yeah, what I got hung up on was:
āToo many of yāall are just straight people that have gay sex.ā
Which kinda feels contradictory to:
āā¦ not uphold or enforce stereotypes on each other.ā
It just feels like thereās a gay stereotype and youāre pushing those who arenāt a part of that stereotype to embrace it.
But looking at your other posts I can also see it as ādonāt be afraid to be your true self, you donāt need to hide and present yourself as straight.ā
I think that straight people who are allies should learn a bit more about lgbtq issues. Justice for all, perpetuated by all and whatnot.
Too many of yāall are just straight people that have gay sex.
Unpack your cis/heteronormativity!
Read up on Queer Theory!
Show up for (the whole) community!
I hate feeling pressured into stereotypes just to prove my gayness.
If this whole thing is about living genuinely why should I have to read books that define who I am to me? Why canāt I just be me the way I like to be?
Iāve always felt trapped, like Iām too straight for the gay kids but too gay for the straight kids.
The two main reasons it took me decades to come out were homophobic neighbors and feeling like I wasnāt gay enough because I wasnāt interested in all the stereotypical gay hobbies/interests.
Side note. I didnāt think you were pressuring me or being negative. Your line āread up on queer theoryā reminded me of some of the toxic interactions I had so I felt the need to vent.
Yeah it reeks of being told in the 2010s ācheck your privilegeā. While itās not entirely wrong, itās not entirely right, either, and is incredibly hostile. Everybodyās right.
I saw a video on TT the other day of a guy parodying Randy Newman with a made up song āhurt people hurt peopleā. It was surprisingly good, both funny and good, but surprisingly deep and true and wise and all that.
As I get older, I think Iām starting to decipher who to listen to, and I think it largely comes down to malice. Like, if the concept of tone policing were to be taken seriously, it would need to meet those with different views and experiences where theyāre at.
I, like you, grew up very closeted. While not exactly hostile to queer people, my guilt of unintentionally hurting people stays with me as a scar, as wisdom. I donāt think much in this world is totally concrete, but let me tell you and anybody who reads this: regardless of what you think logic implies or how logic dictates, emotions are real and are often separate and stand very much on their own (not always, but often). Coming at somebody who is simply ignorant who hurts you with malice isnāt okay. But also, as I get older, willful ignorance is starting to become an unforgivable sin. Maybe even one of the only few real ones.
With that knowledge of judgement, then, you and I and anybody else, who may have grown up our privileges and lifestyles very much do have a duty to at least intellectually investigate if somebody says we are hurting them. To do otherwise isā¦ quite exceptional, if realistically and unfortunately quite the opposite when it comes to most people.
That knowledge of morality and responsibility of ethics ethics is a code, though. Codes donāt always need to be followed, as willful negligence can sometimes be strategically good, like āputting your mask on, firstā. But, be wary of slipping into willful ignorance, as that is a very dangerous line to court.
Iām sorry for the toxic interactions youāve had. Iām absolutely not talking about stereotypes and appearances, and those that made you feel not gay enough are included in those needing to show up for their community.
Sorry I was in shit post mode instead of essay mode :3
Iām talking to the gays who eat at Chick-fil-A
Iām talking to the lesbian who told the bi girl to choose a side
Iām talking to the bi girl who calls herself a f*g hag while hitting on a trans girl
Iām talking to the trans people who fell into transmedicalism
And much more, but hopefully Iāve explained myself better.
I gotcha. No need to be sorry, no offense was taken
Can one have a love/hate relationship with knowledge?
Like, I hate that I have to know all these things, but I love who I am in knowing things-in-general and these things youāve said, as I know they make the world a better place for us all.
As I approach 40 and the world changes more and more underneath our feet and before our very eyes, I find myself burdened with knowledge. Knowledge that hurts to have. Knowledge that Iām different, knowledge of how the world works, knowledge of human behavior, and the knowledge of my and all of our limitations. Knowledge that hurts to have.
to be gay one must first train for 100 years in the depths of the grand lgbtcanyon, and read 100 local lesbian literatures.
to be trans one must first buy 100 pronouns and have 100 blahaj plushies, then play 100 hours of celeste at the queer slopes of flowery doom
Thatās really homophobic actually. Like Iām a bit of a freak, but I have friends through our shared queerness that absolutely arenāt. My friend who just wants a stable life to raise kids in a monogamous relationship with her wife in the suburbs still suffers from homophobia, she doesnāt judge me for being a poly leather weirdo, she just treats me as a cherished friend and fellow lesbian, and it would be wrong for me to treat her any differently.
Edit: saw your explanation and yeah, Iām leaving my message because it was a gut response that isnāt wrong to what I and others interpreted, but your explanation is absolutely correct and ironically this same friend is exactly what you mean people should be like. Her wife is bi and sheās never hesitated to stand up for us freakier queers
Hey, so, just because someone isnāt a musical theatre major with cotton candy colored hair doesnāt mean that theyāre not being authentic to their true selves. Let queer people be āboringā. Let me make this clear, Iām a lot closer to the person in the picture than what you think of as boring, I just hate the idea of forcing anyone to be a stereotype.
Hi
As a straight person, what are you trying to imply with the āread up on queer theory?ā
It sounds like youāre saying that if youāre gay you should also have some of the āneighboringā qualities in the posted image.
That feels weird? Like youāre pressuring someone whoās gay to also identify with other things that they may not identify with. If they donāt identify with those things they might feel broken, or unaccepted.
Is it that wrong to be someone who presents themselves as largely straight but isnāt?
The difference is that I expect more from my community members to not perpetuate bigotry from within the community, to learn our histories, to not uphold or enforce stereotypes on each other.
I donāt expect anything from you, because I donāt expect straight people to have experience with LGBT people with the majority of the noise being propaganda.
But I do request that when asking community members a question that we are listened to, and to remember that our experiences and existence are not an argument or debate.
Yeah, what I got hung up on was: āToo many of yāall are just straight people that have gay sex.ā
Which kinda feels contradictory to: āā¦ not uphold or enforce stereotypes on each other.ā
It just feels like thereās a gay stereotype and youāre pushing those who arenāt a part of that stereotype to embrace it.
But looking at your other posts I can also see it as ādonāt be afraid to be your true self, you donāt need to hide and present yourself as straight.ā
I think that straight people who are allies should learn a bit more about lgbtq issues. Justice for all, perpetuated by all and whatnot.